Before I Leave

Even the familiar feels different.

Most mornings, I get dressed without giving it much thought. I know what I like.

Then there are mornings when nothing feels quite right.

I choose something I've worn many times before. It's familiar, but today it looks different to me.

I put it on and stand in front of the mirror. I turn to one side, then the other, trying to figure out why I don't want to wear it.

I take it off and sit on the edge of the bed.

I was only trying to get dressed. Now I'm finding fault with everything.

My mind goes to other things. The plans I've made. The things I've started building. The life I can picture so clearly.

Still, some mornings I find myself questioning things I felt certain about only yesterday.

I think about what I've started, what I've finished, and everything still ahead of me. For a moment, even the progress I've made seems harder to see.

I've lost whole mornings to thoughts like these.

The clothes are still on the bed.

I sit for another moment, then pick up what I took off.

I put it back on and stand in front of the mirror again.

Nothing about it has changed.

I turn to one side, then the other.

This time, I hold what I see.

In becoming,
S. Marie
C U M I C H E